why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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