I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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