Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
