So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
