I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
