You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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