dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
