I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
