Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
