what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
