dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
