I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
