Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
