Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
