I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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