He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
zippers are such a cool invention
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
