I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
