Cold hands, warm shart.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
