I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
