he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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