And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
