I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
