I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
