Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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