some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
