Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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