GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize