hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
