I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
