i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize