I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
