if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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