you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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