I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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