you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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