matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
