He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
