This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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