quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
