yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
