I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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