And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
