so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize