seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
