Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
