Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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