fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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