Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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