you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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