You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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