weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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