Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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