if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
