I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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