My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
