omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
