There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We are two peas in an std pod
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
