Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
