thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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