first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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