did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
