He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
