god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
