I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
