oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am one with the molecules
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
