hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
