he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
