I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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