At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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