so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
