I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
