You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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