You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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