i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
