As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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