Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize