I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize