remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
