My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
