did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
