i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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