can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
