Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize