I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
