I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
