Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
