Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
