I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
