Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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